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August 30, 2004

Your points!

In the end, I had about 7 entries I wanted for first place.

My scientific method of ranking, then, became taking another hit of cough syrup, giving it half an hour to wear in, then reading the entries again: the three that made me laugh the loudest won, although for the record, everyone did a great job.

Usually, there are only a couple entries worth even looking at, but this was a tough choice. Nevertheless, there can be only one!

Well, three. And here they are:

FIRST PLACE (75 points): Joel Caris

Raúl wanted a striptease from me, but I refused to do it without the proper lighting. So we drove all over town looking for a well-lit bathroom. It’s amazing how few public restrooms have poles in them these days, but we finally found one that would work at a Denny’s about five miles across town. I slipped the manager a hundred dollar bill, Raúl barred the door and before I knew it I was lost in the flow of my body and the gentle serenading of Celine Dion being piped in through the bathroom speakers. The desperate pounding of customers who had just finished their Grand Slams threatened to break the mood, but the nearby mirror kept me focused.

Celene Dion. Grand Slam breakfasts. 'Nuff said.

SECOND PLACE (50 points): Folkbum

From page 53:

The sex-change operation was a complete success, and I re-joined the mile-high club on the flight back from Thailand.

Short. To the point. Left me with unresolved questions.

THIRD PLACE (25 points): Mr. E

Chapter 17: Prague, 1998

The unfortunate incident with the Prime Minister of Canada behind us, it appeared to have fallen to Tinkerbell and I to retrieve the microfilm. Valuable time was lost in the attempt to locate the appropriate Prada handbag: it had to accommodate Tinkerbell in the primary compartment, my trusty Walther in the outer, and must be absolutely stunning when matched with the trenchcoat and Manolo pumps. We settled on puce, grabbed an extra magazine of dum-dums, and set off into the sultry Czechoslovakian night.

Perfect. Would have been first place based on the dum-dum reference alone, but in the end I thought the Manolos were too "Sex and the City."

Good work, all. Don't be sad if you didn't win... many more points to be won this week!

Posted by Dan at August 30, 2004 03:20 AM

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Comments

Why, thank you sir.

I think the extra hit of cough syrup is what put me over the top. ;)

Posted by: Joel Caris at August 30, 2004 04:08 AM

Dang! I knew the Manolo pumps were too far out there. I should have gone with my instincts.

Curse you, Michael Patrick King!

(Although it may be significant to note that I have never actually seen an episode of the show. I just heard that shoes played a significant role and decided to throw them in.)

Still, it's an honor to have placed among such fine company. Striptease at Denny's. Heh!

Posted by: Mr. E. at August 30, 2004 07:36 AM

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