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October 27, 2004

300 points and six diseases!

While you're finishing up the "Three Sentences" contest below, here's something else to chew on.

Remember Lou Gehrig? The impressive baseball player who died of a disease they ultimately named after him?

This contest operates the same way. I'll name six diseases and you describe what the patient who has that disease is suffering from. For instance, if I said "Folkbum Disease," you could say "this disease causes an inflated ego and the uncanny ability to take political truth and spin it to fit into your own fantasy world." For examples of Folkbum disease, visit his hallucinatory website, or his current Iron Blog battle.

Got it? So there are six diseases. The best explanations of each disease will earn 50 points each. Potentially, you could earn 300 points. Enter as many times per disease as you like; only your best responses will be judged. Contest ends Friday at midnight.

Here we go:

1 - Paris Hilton Disease

2 - Ricky Williams-itis

3 - Ben Affleckia

4 - Ralph Naderism

5 - Donald Trumpoma

6 - Moby Disease

Don't know one of these folks? Google on!

Posted by Dan at October 27, 2004 07:15 AM

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Comments

Dude, I think I should get 50 points just for being your example.

1 - Paris Hilton Disease: The inability to recognize how low you've sunk.

2 - Ricky Williams-itis: Who the hell is Ricky Williams?

3 - Ben Affleckia: A form of Gigliitis that caused by repeated appearances in Kevin Smith movies.

4 - Ralph Naderism: The uncontrolable urge to eff up everything.

5 - Donald Trumpoma: A cancerous forelock of hair; it's not fatal, but it can cloud your judgment at high altitudes.

6 - Moby Disease: A disease that's more widespread than its talent should allow.

Posted by: folkbum at October 27, 2004 05:48 PM

Ricky Williams is the ex-star running back for the Miami Dolphins who torpedoed the teams chances to compete this year by "retiring" the WEEK BEFORE OPENING DAY after a league drug test found him guilty of MJ use.

He said he lost his passion and wanted to retire and travel the world. He (shockingly) decided he found his passion again last week after a court decided he would have to pay back his 8.5 million dollar signing bonus to the Dolphins.

This following a career playing for the New Orleans Saints marked by erratic behavior, including a social disorder and posing for a sports magazine wearing a wedding dress.

Posted by: Big Dan at October 27, 2004 10:49 PM

In that case:

2 - Ricky Williams-itis: An overdose of pot leading you to think you're Dennis Rodman.

Posted by: folkbum at October 27, 2004 10:58 PM

Paris Hilton Disease - Exhibitionist teenage nymphomania.

Ricky Williams-itis: Split personality where one half is Bob Marley.

Ben Affleckia: The ability to become a movie star without having ever been in anything closely resembling a real movie.

Ralph Naderism: Obsessive/compulsive disorder revolving around unsafe products.

Donald Trumpoma: Giant milignant tumor found on one's ego.

Moby Disease: Flash in the pan without the flash.

Posted by: Ralph at October 28, 2004 06:59 PM

Paris Hilton Disease - An obsession with bathroom lighting.

Ben Affleckia - The inability to stop smirking at cameras.

Alternatively: A heightened sense of self-awareness that leads one to believe he or she is Ben Affleck--and to begin stalking him or herself.
Note: This applies even if you are Ben Affleck.

Ralph Naderism - The inability to matter.

Donald Trumpoma - This disease is characterized by the random hiring of unknown individuals off the street for imaginary positions at imaginary companies. Once evolved into the second stage, this is followed by the disease-sufferer then calling those people on their cell phones two minutes later and bellowing "You're Fired!" while giggling hysterically.

Moby Disease - A driving desire to appear in every commercial possible. Often found in unknown and marginal actors. Common in Japan.

Posted by: Joel Caris at October 29, 2004 05:24 PM

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