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April 18, 2005

Popping Cancer Update: Officially worried now, heading quickly toward scared.

I'm going to bed now (9:40 p.m. Monday night). Tomorrow is Tuesday. Wednesday is the last chemotherapy treatment of this cycle. Next week I get scans done.

These scans aren't like the other ones. If these don't show some progress against these stupid tumors, there aren't any good options left on the table. What we really, really need is for next week's scans to show some tumor shrinkage or we're in rather a large bit of trouble.

It's funny how easy it has been to feel miserable during chemotherapy, telling myself I'm getting better. It's not long now until we find out for sure.

I guess we all walk a thin line between living and dying every day, but, my goodness, my thin line comes with dates attached now.

So, I'm a little concerned to hear the results of next week's scans. It's funny, but I don't think I'm scared to die (or, what can be a bigger fear for some, scared to live). I think I'm scared of the unknown. Give me something to fight against and I'll be ok. Just don't leave me alone without knowing what's going on.

Cancer is a jerk.

Posted by Dan at April 18, 2005 09:39 PM

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Tracked on May 2, 2013 06:02 PM


Well, fuck cancer. I'll be hoping for the good news next week. You've got much more blogging to do, I surmise, so there's no need for you to be all up and rushing off on us now.

Posted by: Joel Caris at April 19, 2005 12:54 AM

It's that parachute thing again -- you've jumped out of the plane, you're falling, it's an exhilerating ride, but in the instant after you pull the rip-cord you wonder..."Is this damn thing going to open or not?"

Then you look around and think, "Whether it does or not, it is a hell of view ain't it?"

I'm just saying.

Posted by: Ara at April 19, 2005 06:58 AM

Lots of good, tumor-shrinking light to you, Dan, and peace, and grace

Posted by: Chava at April 19, 2005 09:13 AM

You have lots of prayers out there . . .
MT 11:29

Posted by: Karen, Carla's (from school) sister at April 19, 2005 09:59 AM

Prayers, my dear.

You're not leaving anyone anytime soon. Only assholes leave a party that early. That aint you.

Posted by: Alex at April 19, 2005 01:24 PM

My deepest prayers are with you. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, and will check in with you frequently.

Posted by: red at April 19, 2005 09:40 PM

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