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September 10, 2005

After all this time, you probably think I have something amazingly profound to say, but I don't. All I can think to say to end what my husband created is that cancer really is a jerk and I want to punch it in the face. But even more than that, I want him back. Right now, I can't imagine going through life without him. Fall, Halloween, birthdays, playing with Roxy, watching the first Sunday of the NFL season, eating freshly-made chocolate chip cookies: none of these things will be the same without him. Some widows I know (older, of course) say it will get better. I don't guess they're lying, but they also weren't married to Dan Champion. It probably sounds corny, but I feel honored to have been his wife. As one of our friends shared during his funeral, he was one of the only people in the world who could tell you the truth about yourself. He could do this because he cared. And he always seemed to know what was important. He knew that life wasn't about getting to appointments on time (though he usually was) or wearing the right clothes (though he "looked pretty snazzy", according to my niece), or even being correct (though he always was). He knew that life was about relationships: with each other, with ourselves, with God. I think that's what helped him through his experiences with cancer. He knew that earthly things didn't matter in the end. All that mattered was love. And so, he loved. And he did it well.

Posted by Dan at September 10, 2005 12:07 AM

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Stephanie-- I read this entry after posting my response to your P.S. Your grief and love for Dan are eloquent, and absolutely right on. I hope it does get better, with time; but for now am glad you are in touch with what you honestly feel (including the rage we share, that cancer IS such a jerk). Dan DID love well--as well as anyone I've known-- and he was lucky to have you... and, I suspect, learned love even more deeply because you in particular were his wife.

Posted by: Gail [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 10, 2005 05:05 PM

I won't forget him.

Posted by: Ara Rubyan [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 11, 2005 01:28 AM

I won't forget him.

Posted by: Etto [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 11, 2005 12:37 PM

I stopped commenting a lot about the time that sign-in became required to comment, because I can rarely manage to sign in.
I feel badly that my computer illiteracy got in the way of bantering with Dan, because it used to be a great deal of fun.
I miss Dan. And cancer is a jerk.

Posted by: Killer Kitten [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 12, 2005 11:24 AM

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