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September 16, 2005

More Fun Grief News

Well, it seems that what they say is true. OK, one thing they say is true. Everyone grieves in their own way. Actually, I suppose everyone does everything in their own way, but grieving is obviously on my mind these days. One thing I've discovered so far that's different about me is that I seem to need lots of time alone. My mother said that after my father died, she was most helped by being around other people. Someone else told me yesterday that when his father died, he also wanted people around.

On Tuesday, I spent two to three hours making phone calls related to Dan's death (i.e. canceling accounts, talking to one of Dave Ramsey's people about bills, etc.). After that, I returned to work for the first time for a big two-and-a-half hours. Then I helped out some friends who just bought a house near me. Wednesday, I had chest pains and realized I just needed to go back to bed and have a good cry because I didn't leave time for it on Tuesday. It sounds sad, but at least it's free and it works.

So, I am now not working for a while, again. I have some trips coming up that I'm excited about. ("Dan would have wanted" me to go to Vegas).

My challenge now is finding balance. After spending eight months not taking care of business (i.e. going to the dentist, getting cars checked out, etc.) and having to take care of new business (as mentioned above), I have loads of stuff to do. Hence the problem with going back to work. I feel like I already have a job getting things done at home. Taking time to grieve and getting out of the house every now and then for some fun are also priorities. Which would expain my adventures today with a friend having breakfast at Steak and Shake (or 'n Shake?) and purchasing a DVD of The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy and a nifty Liz Clairborne bag for cheap. Also, pulling those pantyhose things you put on in stores to try on shoes over my head and trying on interesting hats and belts at Value City. I hope the security tapes don't get released to the public.

Posted by Dan at September 16, 2005 04:51 PM

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Stephanie -- you've said a couple of things that ring so true. I remember writing after my Mother died, that while she was alive I was her rock --- and now I'm her pile of sand. I remember being up to my ears in grief and responsibility. There is so much to do when someone dies, and you have to do it during one of the hardest times of your life. Grief for a parent isn't exactly the same as for a spouse, but in some ways grief is grief. What you said about chest pains -- I remember standing in Mom's kitchen sorting through spices, trying to decide what to keep and what to throw out -- and suddenly getting pain in my chest and realizing I had to just walk away from the job of sorting and packing until I could do it without getting ill. And in an earlier post you mentioned that time when you know death is imminent, and people keep telling you to take a break --- in the week before my Mom died, I listened to my intuition over and over, instead of heeding people's advice -- and because I did that, my kids got in to see their Grandma while she could still talk -- and I was there when the decision was made to send her to the ICU -- and I was there to advocate for her when she went into delirium and couldn't speak for herself any more --- all of those being times that someone had told me to take a break, or that she was going to pull through --
and I remember walking through her house, glad that I was alone because I was free to make all the noise I wanted - I remember yelling, "I WANT HER BACK!!!" ---
and all the while, doing what needed to be done, really still being her rock even though I felt like a pile of sand.
God be with you while you walk through grief and the work of this time --

Posted by: chava [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 19, 2005 12:54 PM

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