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September 19, 2005

Today's Life Lesson

Since Danny died, I feel this nagging obligation to teach people lessons. Some of them I learned from my husband, some I learned on my own.

I remember at the calling hours the night before his funeral, I felt overwhelmed seeing people walk through the door who I knew thought the world of Dan and were possibly more at a loss than I was because they really depended on him to be their rock. He was a very good Pastor and a good friend to many, and all kinds of, people. You know how most of us are pretty good with people, but there are certain types we clash with? He didn't clash with anybody. That's why he is missed by so many people.

I think having the benefit of living with him all these years has helped me through the last ten months. I've found myself hugging other people and telling them it's OK to cry. Before the funeral, I was asking people who they'd like to sit with and putting strangers together so they wouldn't have to be alone. I didn't want anyone to be alone.

Today when I had lunch with a friend, I remembered two things that I think made our marriage a very good one. I'm not a shrink or anything, but they worked for us.

1. You should want, every day, to make the other person happy. You may not always succeed at this but you have to want to try. If you and your partner can say this is true of you relationship, then it's probably pretty good.

2. You should want, not need, the other person. Even before he got sick, Danny used to joke that that I was just waiting for him to die because I could do just about anything on my own (i.e. installing a toilet, fixing the kitchen sink, etc.). My response to him was always that I didn't need him for anything. I loved him and I wanted to be with him. I think that's why, now that he's gone, I'm not really lonely like a lot of widows are. I just really miss him.

Posted by Dan at September 19, 2005 04:38 PM

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I just email you at Danny's address I found on the main page. But wanted to share with everyone something they probably already know. Danny has had an enormous, lasting, effect on so many lives....mine included.

And Danny, just so you still know, Debbie Gibson is SO MUCH MORE TALENTED than Tiffany.

Posted by: Wahookeith [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 20, 2005 04:41 PM

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