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October 12, 2005

Two Months

Today at 5:40 pm, it will be two months since Danny died. So I'm posting something one of his cousins from NY sent me a while back that is relavent. I meant to do it earlier, but never got to it.

You are so right about people not knowing how to respond to someone's death. I find most times, no matter what the situation, I don't know how to respond - they should teach this in school instead of some of that crazy math and social studies. So here I go, allow me to add another to your list of examples.

Not relevant - but I've been working for the New York State Police for the last 20 years (I was only 5 when I started). Since December, I've been working in the NYSP Employee Assistance Program. While I was qualified for the secretarial part of the job, I have realized that I was right - I don't always know how to respond. I've had some training since December, and worked at Survivors Weekend last week. This is a weekend that NYSP holds for surviving family members of troopers who were killed. There were guest speakers who spoke about dealing with grief and the loss of a loved one. While I'm no expert in the field, cannot honestly say I understand what you're going thru and until the last year, never believed in therapy and counselor's, etc. - I can at least offer some of what I learned and hope in some small way that it will help.

One of the things the speakers (Dr.'s, of course) agreed on was that healing takes time (heard that before?) and it's important to talk
about your loved one and recall memories with them. Another was the
importance of humor and laughing. Of course, they went in to detail - using words i can't spell or that i've even heard of - on exactly how it helps. I can tell you though that at the time, as they were talking (using humor in their "lecture) it all made perfect sense. As a matter of fact, the entertainment at dinner on Saturday night, was not a band, dj or magician - it was a comedian. Not the best I've seen, but he did have the crowd of about 150 survivors laughing after they spent the morning crying in "workshop" sessions.

So after all this, I guess my response to the situation is: you do
whatever you need to do to get thru this - whatever makes you feel
better. Cry, laugh, eat marshmallow fluff, etc. It's all ok.

Posted by Stephanie at October 12, 2005 12:21 AM

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